Living with anxiety is a little like hanging around that person that you are only friends with because of loneliness. In other words, “Hey, I need someone to hang out with, and you’re the only person free.” So, you sit at your house or a restaurant and talk about Netflix or celebrities. The analogy is not perfect: one main difference being your new friend Anxiety asks questions such as, “Have you had that pain in your breast examined? What if it’s cancer?” She also makes suggestions based on horrific thoughts, like, “Today may be the day you or one of your loved ones is killed in a car accident.”
What do you say to people like that? You can deflect it, or confront it head on (which is never easy to do). You can also remain silent, which I sometimes do in actual real-world scenarios with people like Ms. A. This may sound like crazy talk, but it feels very normal and real on a fairly consistent basis for me. There is the idea of thought stopping, which has not been particularly appealing to me since it echoes much of my “name it, claim it” upbringing, which left little room for vulnerability or honesty about challenges. You could just pray more, but side note, has this ever worked for anyone? Another popular method involves replacing negative self talk with positive self talk, which I have had some success with, provided I remember or have the energy to do it.
The thing about this friend, “Ms. A”, we will call her, is that she can be a real energy drain. When I am already tired, she is on full speed ahead about all of the things that need to be done. When I am happy and energized, she reminds me of all of the dull, worrisome activities scheduled for later in the day, week, month, year, and life, even (or what little I have left of it once you stop to consider all of the horrible ways I may die).
At work, Ms. A. can go from being an annoying buzzkill to a full on, destructive, Ursula-from-the-little-Mermaid-monster. Someone may ask me to do something, and I sweetly reply, “Sure.” Ms. A pops in, unannounced, and says, “They were only asking you for help to make you feel better/as a last resort, and they have ulterior motives.” She continues, “You want to take on that extra task because you are a good worker? Don’t you think you will be looked at as a suck up?” And on it goes.